If YouTube is any measure....

Man, I think with episode five I'm going to have to try involving more of Ms. Softbottom. Why? Becuase "her episode" (ep3) has almost double the views of the next most watched episode. It breaks down like this, as of this posting.

Intro to Dirk: 18 views
Ep1: 276 views
Ep2: 497 views
Ep3: 887 views
Ep4: 286 views
Ep4 Redux: 78 views

T&C Episode 4 REDUX - Here we go!

Sorry all, for the long wait. It shouldn't be nearly as long for episode five.
But I think you'll agree that it was worth the wait, as this is far superior to the slapdash, first version of episode 4 - most notably by merit of it's excellent custom soundtrack, done up by the same talented fellow who did the soundtrack on my live action film trailer this past summer.

Lo and terror did have a name...

A hideous beast named Computer Errors made me lose over an hours work on the redo of Dirk Hardwood episode 4.

I am going to paint Computer Errors in all his foul glory.

Then I shall own Computer Errors miserable little soul.

Re-post: Excerpt Two: June, 1982

(It has come to the attention of the managment that, due to this post having been started in November but only finished lately.......it was still posted as a November post and therefore got buried under the new serials. So we are reposting this for anyone who missed it).
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Greetings fans! This excerpt comes from the first Dirk Hardwood Choose-Your-Own-Adventure book. It was published by Bantam Books in 1982 and was penned by R.A. Montgomery.
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Dirk Hardwood In...
THE FOURTH WALL MUST NOT BE BROKEN

Page one

In the background, Dirk could detect the gentle playing of some oriental brass bells as he strode through the lower-east side of Manhattan. Snow played it's way down from the skies and through valleys of glass and steel, which Dirk carefully navigated until he came upon a less gentrified neighborhood. This area had yet to be purchased by the new generation of money that had sprung up, seemingly overnight and so was composed of a great deal of old brownstones and even some tenement houses left over from the 1930's. There were almost as many names for it as there were inhabitants, but Dirk knew of it as "Steam Vent Alley".

Pulling his coat collar around his ears, the man of a thousand abilities continued to step through the thick snow and around the many poor degenerates which littered the sidewalks. He steadily worked his way towards the address he had written inside the ledger....the same one he had stolen from a Mississippi card shark, Max Punchbody, during "Don't Put All Your Ships on One Bet: Dirk Hardwood vs The Ante Eater". Eventually Dirk emerged from a cloud of steam and found himself looking up at the doorway to 283 Malcom St., the home of Professor Angstrom.

Detecting the faintest whiff of flash powder through his heroic nostrils, Dirk's steel cable musculature tensed up as he approached the front door. A quick inspection by his leather-bound hands revealed that the lock had in fact been tampered. Moving with skills learned in the deepest, darkest pits of outer Mongolia, Dirk slid into the house as quickly and quietly as a winter breeze. A radio had been left on to give a sense of normality and so it was to the tune of 10cc's "I'm not in love" that the man of a thousand abilities came upon the resting body of his dear friend.

Angstrom appeared to have nodded off in his study, sitting at the large teak wood desk that was normally kept in an orderly fashion as dictated by basic rules of geometry which the professor held more respect for than he did the average layman. In its current, messy state the desk served as an obvious indicator of either an intrusive investigator or personal distress on the professors part. Failing to wake the professor by speaking his name, even in a high tone, Dirk moved across the room and gently touched Angstroms shoulder with a hand that has throttled the fiercest armadillos.

Like a perverse pantomime, the professors head lolled slightly before losing purchase upon the his neck. Looking upon this grisly vignette, Dirk's deductive abilities told him that this time-delayed decollation must have been done with a very fine tool indeed. That the wound offered no blood was curiouser still.

Page 2

The outward calm of Dirk's demeanor, a result of mental exercises he had learned under the tutelage of Randolph Carter, hid our hero's burning anger from all but himself. Were an especially keen surgeon in the room, he might just be able to detect a slight dilation in Dirk's pupils.

But none were present except for Dirk and the unfortunate professor, of this the man of a thousand punches was sure. The killer had surely fled and nothing in the room indicated that the trail was anything but as cold as the head which lay upon its floor. The only sound came from the state of the art videocassette recorder which took up space on one of many hardwood bookshelves that were otherwise straining under the wait of a lifetimes accumulated knowledge. It seemed that the V.C.R. was stuck trying to rewind a cassette which was already back at the beginning of its internal tape reel.

Intrigued, Dirk reached out and with one leather gloved finger he pressed the stop button, followed by a larger button which had the word "Play" printed upon it in a memorable shade of green. Dirk felt that the word "Play" was wholly inappropriate for the command, but before he could ruminate upon a superior label his attention was drawn to the screen of the professors massive 10 inch tele-vision. Flickering into being was a direct address to the viewer from Angstrom himself. Carefully manipulating the devices Volume knob brought the mans voice out of a small internal speaker.

"Dirk" this ghostly substitute Angstrom pleaded, "In my studies and your travels, we have come across many great religions, cults, sects and so forth with a myriad of notions upon fate and destiny. I fear that I have finally discovered the true hand which guides us."

In the video, Angstrom looked more than half crazed. His hair disheveled, his beard unevenly combed and the pallor of his skin seemed only a shade warmer than its present state. Dirks carefully managed emotions noted this and allocated him a moment of concern, but only one lest he be distracted and let his guard down. "You wouldn't believe me if I told you though.....to think it's just some child! The images on my Dei-scope were not always clear, but I suspect it to be between the ages of eight and twelve years old....just thumbing through our lives with casual interest as it......as it.....IT....", Angstrom continued, "A strange, arcane phrase was visible on it's clothing.....large as we know Gods to be, as we now know them to be.......it read 'Osh Kosk B'Gosh' and my lord but it put the fear in me more than all the strange languages of Katang-Katang put together".

Regaining his composure slightly, the professor straightened his posture and looked so intently forward that a lesser man than Dirk (perhaps some pretentious art critic or a man who chooses patio furniture for a living) would have sworn that Angstrom was looking him square in the eye. His voice dropped in tone like a soldier falling prone for cover as he uttered "But don't worry Dirk. I've decided to take myself out.....out of this wretched deities sticky fingers. I know you told me to destroy it, but I've kept the Magnificent Suicide Engine which we removed from the wrought iron goliath that plagued that young man...what was his name? Spark Wittiky? Something like that....".

At the mention of the Magnificent Suicide Engine, Dirk could not help but slightly raise a single, deadly eyebrow. "It sensed my desire as soon as I removed it from the lead casing I had sealed it in and from its haunted loins there came a device which would provide me with an escape from the commands of.." Angstrom began once more to quiver "....that child god". But beware Dirk, I think the engine also sensed my desire to save you as well...and you know how that wretched thing likes to interpret the desires of man".

Knowing that somewhere there lurked a beast of iron and imagination which intended to release Dirk from the burdens of living, Hardwood sought through his posessions for the proper weaponry to defend himself as his mind raced to find a suitable course of action.

But what shall you make him do, dear reader?

• Turn to page 34 and destroy the tape, lest the professors madness spread to you!
• Turn to page 17 to head over to Chinatown where you can bring the tape to the mystic stockbroker, Chun-Wai Gecko. He might have some advice for you.
  
• Turn to page 12 and take the tape to Meryl Softbottom, career-minded woman of the 80's, for a second opinion.
• Cheat by holding your finger in this page, then checking out the results of all your options before choosing the one you like best.

Ep 2 in "HD"

Here you go, episode two in HIGHEST quality render thanks to the more generous folk at Dailymotion.com

Trenchcoats and Corsets - Episode 2(1)
Video sent by Geigerdog

BAM

So I checked out DailyMotion and they allow up to 150mb uploads! HURRAH. This means I can upload the highest quality version of episode two (148 mb's) and not feel quite as squeezed for time in the remake of 4 as well as future episodes.

Okay screw it

I am going to redo Episode four. It just got uglier and uglier to watch as the days went by! Between the small errors and trying to cram too much in.....ugh. I'm halfway through "shooting" the new episode now and when it's done I'm going to pass it along to my musically inclined pal Joey T, who is going to whip up a soundtrack for it. This is great since The Movies has a very limited musical library which becomes even more tiny if you are trying to stay within genre/period appropriate tunes.

Trenchcoats AND Corsets - Episode 4

Man, The Movies huh? I noticed that at 4:45 minutes, the last episode just slipped under 100 mb's and into YouTube's slippery loins.

So I made this episode to that exact length, but it rendered on highest quality to 123 MB's. After I tried cutting some more from it, I still only could get it down to 112 MB's without lobotomizing the story - and I just didn't feel right about breaking it into two halves since this story is already serialized. So it seems we are at merely "high" quality for this one, sorry folks! Heck, I even got punished for trying to use an ampersand instead of "and" between the titles, leaving the unfortunate "Trenchcoats Corsets - Episode 4" title card. I was a bit too relaxed about back-ups, so my choice was to either leave this in or completely remake the movie.

If this was something for my professional demo reel, I would totally remake it! But as this is basically me playing with supermarionnette's to relax, I think we'll survive with this version. Anyways, I know that nothing whet's the appetite more than a series of explanations and excuses! ENJOY



If you'd like to blow it up fullsize, cheggitoot hurrrrr.